Move It!!! (Rant)

The king of craziness.  Appropriately named "The Scramble".

WARNING: What I'm about to say is very angry and generalizing.  If you get easily offended or just don't want to hear a 20-something complain, then do not read any further.  This is a rant and I'm angry, so that's what it is!!!  It's and observation on cultural differences between Japan and America and how what is normal to one culture can be extremely rude in another.  Continue at your own risk and no complaining, please!  YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!!!

So, don't get me wrong, Japan is a very polite place.  People in the service industry go far beyond what is expected in The States as a rule.  But there is one thing that I've experienced day after day that is just wearing me down and I feel, in a country that prides itself on politeness, is incredibly rude, no matter how you look at it.  What I'm referring to is the average Tokyoite taking their fucking sweet-ass time to go anywhere while walking and also constantly blocking sidewalks, train platforms, and entry-ways.

Tokyo is a very busy place.  As the largest metropolitan area in the world, there are tons and tons of people.  But, no matter where I'm heading, there is always a person in front of me walking slower than molasses in January.  I occasionally see the running student or worker who is late to school/work, but the norm is definitely a zombie shuffle.  On top of this, it seems like a large percent of them are incapable of walking in a straight line.  If you're crossing an intersection, someone WILL cut across your path.  Crosswalks are battlegrounds for games of chicken.  Is this person going to move left?  Are they going to move right?  You'll never know.  No matter how many times you guess, your prediction will be wrong.

A large reason for many of these behaviors seems to be just a general lack of awareness of their surroundings.  I could be breathing down a young couple's neck and cursing under my breath, but not until they actually see me are they going to realize that they were taking up the entirety of the width of the sidewalk with their not-let-go-for-any-fucking-reason handholding.  This also applies to groups of people coming towards you.  More times than I care to count, a group of four or five people have walked towards me on the sidewalk, setting up an impenetrable wall along the width of it.  WHERE DO YOU THINK I'M SUPPOSED TO MOVE?!!??!  Am I supposed to hover above you???  Am I supposed to crawl underneath you???  Sidewalks, like roads, are TWO-WAY STREETS.  This is a daily occurrence for me in my neighborhood and around my work.

Which leads me to my next point.  Japan, could you fucking make up your mind as to which way you want foot-traffic to go???  In the States (and Canada and France and Argentina and everywhere else I've been), foot traffic follows motor-vehicle traffic.  You always keep to your right so the people coming towards you can pass you on your left.  Simple, no?  So, in Japan, you'd expect it to be reversed.  But this is only true about 50% of the time.  In train stations, certain stairs will -completely arbitrarily -have some stairs where going down is on the left side and going up is on the right side and then have other stairs where it's the complete reverse.  In big train stations -where controlling foot traffic is quite vital to an actually functioning and civil transportation system -like Tokyo Station (my most hated train station to walk through), they have arrows on the ground directing you which side is which.  It switches with no rhyme or reason.  There is no consistency whatsoever which leads to absolute, utter fucking chaos.

This is why, for me, going to a train station is a recipe for high blood pressure.  It's a perfect storm of all these evils and more.  Five times within the mere 3 months I've been here, the door has shut in my face because of a.) people standing around, oblivious to everything, in the middle of the platform b.) Ms. Suzy-Q Shops-a-lot has her bags on the right hand side of the escalator, blocking my path c.) people who are exiting the station think that if you see a man in a suit who looks like he's in a rush to get somewhere important, it's the best idea to cut across his path d.) all of the above and more.  Even if I'm not going to work or in a rush, it just really bothers me that people are inconsiderate enough of other people to do things like going up the four escalators, which are the only means of exiting the subway, and stopping at the front of the third one and standing there while people wait behind you.

Let me just put this into perspective of another busy city: New York.  If people were to do stuff like this in New York, particularly the most common offense of couples taking up the entire width of the sidewalk and walking slow as shit, they would get pushed over without so much as an "excuse me". 

And, from my recent visit to the Laketown Mall, I can maybe see where it all comes from.  While in the busy food court, a little girl of maybe four was running full speed away from her mother.  In her haphazard dash, she almost seriously tripped one of the food court workers.  The mother, who was moseying along many yards behind, witnessed this and there wasn't so much as a "sorry" or "watch where you're going".  And this is not an isolated incident with children I've seen here.  The number one thing American (and I assume Canadians and other Western countries) children are taught in public is to be aware of there surroundings.  American children are constantly being pulled by their mothers or told to "get out of the way" in stores because they're blocking somebody's path.  To me, it just seems like common courtesy.  If you're being an impediment to somebody else's way, than that's not right.  So get out of my way, because I'm not going to be merciful any longer.

AND DON'T EVEN FUCKING GET ME STARTED ON BICYCLES!!!!

/end rant

The Economy of Vending Machines

Found within every square meter of Tokyo

So, anyone who has been in Japan for even a second notices right-off-the-bat that there are LOTS and LOTS of vending machines (or 自動販売機 jidouhanbaiki or 自販機 jihanki for short, which is way easier to say than "vending machine", so I'll be using "jihanki") in Japan.  You'll even find vending machines next to vending machines.  But that isn't what I wanna talk about.  What I want to talk about is the mystery surrounding these wonderful machines.

Everyone who knows me in Japan knows that I have a problem with jihanki.  I spend a good 600 yen a day on drinks from these things.  But the funny thing is, even if two vending machines are around the corner from one another and have the same offerings, one will be cheaper than the other.  Sometimes it is because one is on the main street (more expensive) and one is in a side street (cheaper).  But I've seen it where the same street has the same drink for two different prices.  Weird....

Vending machines are also interesting for their drink selections themselves.  Many of them have drinks that are either hard to find in convenience stores or are sold exclusively in vending machines.  For example, the DBZ "Power Squash" shown below has only been spotted by me in a vending machine (and out of the way vending machines, at that).  Vending machines also switch their menus seasonally, offer a larger selection of hot drinks during fall and winter time (as well as many of them selling canned corn soup.............. no comment).  But caution, these supposedly "warm" drinks can burn your hands, especially the ones that come in cans.  Their best enjoyed wearing gloves.

Finally, something that happened by my place a month or two ago was sort of a mysterious happening.  There were two vending machines on the corner of the block south of me that I really liked because they had 100 yen 500ml cans of CC Lemon and Pepsi.  One day, I went to buy some CC Lemon, but it was completely sold out.  So I got a Pepsi instead.  A week or two later, I had another hankering for CC Lemon, but it was still sold out, as well as more than half of the drinks in there.  The next day, all of the display bottles and cans were taken out.  And a couple of days later, the two machines were completely taken away!!!  And they were NEVER REPLACED AGAIN (sounds like a horror story, no?).  I don't know why they were taken away.  From what I saw, they were just as popular as other machines.  There weren't any similar machines around that area.  I guess it's just one big mystery.  But in my cumulative 7 months in Japan, I've learned a couple things about vending machines:

1.) Discount 100 yen vending machines are discount for a reason.
2.) Never pass up a good deal or a rare find.  It'll be gone before you know.
3.) Super-hero themed drinks DO taste much better.
4.) Use vending machines as an opportunity to get rid of all your 10 yen coins.
5.) Never ever try to understand how the vending machine economy works.

Let's Talk About....

I found this restaurant through one of my students!!!

So, I've been working pretty consistently since I was 14.  My first "real" job (where I got a paycheck) was bussing tables at the Wisconsin State Fair.  It was disgusting and hard and only payed $5 an hour.  Plus I'm pretty sure it violated child labor laws because we only had one half-an-hour break for our 8 hour shift.  Either way, it sucked.  Then, I was a cashier at Walgreens starting at 16.  I can't even begin to talk about how terrible this job was.  After that, throughout college, I had various jobs on campus.  These were OK since the work was very easy and the hours were light.  Still, not they were pretty boring and not the greatest.  Finally, this past year, I worked fulled time at an airline.  My job boiled down to people yelling and complaining at me all day.  Needless to say, I haven't really enjoyed any of the jobs I've had.  Until now.

My job teaching English in Japan is so super awesome.  I basically get paid to have conversations with cool people.  My hours are super reasonable, and with my normal schedule, my maximum commute time is about 30 minutes, which is unheard of in Tokyo.  Now, I won't talk about what company I work for (and for those of you who do know, please, do not mention it.  I'd like to keep this private), but I just want to say that they have been really good to me.  So now, I guess I'll talk about a "typical" day of work for me.

So first, I gotta look the part.  I get all gussied up and wear a fancy (second-hand) suit to look my best.  After I've collected all of my (unorganized) teaching materials, I head out the door and (rush frantically) to the train station.  I soon arrive (just barely on time) to work and get ready for the day.  I have a certain amount of slots available for people to take drop-in conversation classes with me.  This means that I don't have regular students unless they wish to see my (weird) face every week by (torturing themselves by) signing up for the same time.  The lessons are really free-form and casual with a wide-variety of lesson plans that I can choose as soon as the lesson starts.  We then go on from their (and I make stuff up along the way).

The lesson groups are divided by English language ability.  This presents both a challenge and a great benefit.  The lowest level is by far the hardest to teach.  It's hard to have a "warm-up" conversation with them because they have little conversation experience.  The lessons themselves can also pose a challenge to those who have literally no English ability previously.  But they can be very rewarding and it's awesome to see the progress the dedicated students can make.  The pre-intermediate and intermediate levels are a lot of fun.  They are comfortable to have some nice conversations and they are usually very eager to learn.  You can also teach them some nice vocabulary.  The advanced lessons are the most fun and can also be the most challenging.  They are so fun in that you don't have to grade your language down and you can talk about very complex issues.  I also often get these advanced students multiple times, so it's nice to develop a relationship.  But it can be extremely challenging because these students will know when you've made a mistake or that you haven't prepared.  And unless you can talk about something the student is interested in, your conversation is going to go dead faster than a goldfish in a toaster (that was a terrible analogy).

From all of my students, though, I have learned so much about Japan.  They've told me about cool places I should visit, new trends that are happening now, different cultural events (my favorite of which was a student demonstrating the Hakodate "squid dance"), and great restaurants around Tokyo (such as the amazing Chicago-style deep dish pizza place pictured above one student told me about).  They also are all extremely interesting people.  One student is a mother who moved from South Korea.  Another student is an operating room nurse (who has some of the most hilarious stories about the surgeries she performs).  Another is a worker at a cart parts factory who plays the synthesizer in a band that performs at music festivals around the Tokyo area.  A lot of my students are very successful business men that probably make more money in a year than I will ever see in a lifetime.  And so many of them have such great senses of humor!!!  Truly I learn much more from them than they do from me (partially because I'm such a terrible teacher @_@).

But with the good also comes some bad (but not as much as you'd think!).  Just today I had to do a children's lesson about Christmas.  Since I was a substitute teacher, I had never seen any of these children before.  Many of them were completely blanked faced.  But one little girl of the eight children there was..... well.......  After all other seven children had already taken their seats, she walked with her parents to the door to enter my classroom.  I greeted her like all the other kids.  But before this, she started crying and sobbing.  "I don't wanna go in!  I don't wanna go in!" she screamed (in Japanese).  Her mother kept telling her that she'd be right outside the classroom (which has really big windows and seats for the parents) and that she'd be fine.  This little girl was not having it, though, and she wanted her mom to go in with her.  She screamed and cried so loud, all in the entrance to the kid's classroom.  I had no clue what to do.  Her mom kept telling her "You're making problems for all of the other kids.  Go on in.  You can do it.", but the girl kept crying and stomping her feet.  Finally, the mom got fed up and said, "OK, then we're going to go home, then."  But the girl GOT EVEN LOUDER and started hitting her mom!!!!  I was in a state of shock, as the short lesson was being held up because of this cute, tiny, screaming little girl.  After some more arguing with her mom and a towel given to her to dry her completely drenched face, her father had had enough and pushed her into the classroom and closed the door.  I had NO CLUE what I should do.  I told her she could take a seat, but she just stood there, staring out the window, sobbing.  I just started the lesson, though, and pretending she wasn't having the most traumatic experience of her life that will probably make her hate tall, white, curly-haired, glasses-wearing Americans forever.  Finally, it came time to draw some pictures, so I dragged the table out so the other kids could write.  I put down an extra sheet for the crying girl and motioned for her to come over and draw.  The other kids even beckoned her over, but she just cried even more.  I then vowed for the rest of the class, not to even acknowledge her existence, lest I set her off again.  Finally, the lesson was over.  The cage was opened and the roaring tiger of a little girl was allowed out to her embarrassed and angry parents.  I gave her one of our little Christmas coloring pages.  I then started to clean up the room for the next class, but the little girl came back.  She was crying and trying to say something.  Her mom had made her come back to get the other sheet we were working on in class.  Her mom then glared at her to make her say "Thank you" to me.  And then that was the end of that ordeal @_@

So, moral of the story?  English conversation teachers have to be able to think on their feet and turn a sucky situation into a good one.  In my time as an RA, I dealt with medical emergencies, drunk fights, and pot busts.  But nothing prepared me for one tiny little crying girl.

What's Up [My Nose], Doc?

My sweet haul.

Ok, so here's a little background.  This past June, I was have a lot of weird symptoms I've never had before.  Every night for 2 weeks or so, I'd have all the symptoms of a fever (muscle aches, shivering, headache, etc.), but no elevated temperature.  During the day I'd feel fine, but with just a little headache.  I finally got my butt to the doctor and he told me it was a sinus infection.  I didn't believe him at first because I didn't have a runny nose or was sneezing or anything, but it turned out he was right and the antibiotics kicked it out.

So now, for the past week or so, I've had a return of these symptoms, with the addition of a runny nose and a sore throat.  Yikes.  The last thing I need at a new job is to get too sick to come into work.  I wanted to see a doctor, but I had been dragging my feet on registering for the national health insurance because I thought it was going to be a huge ordeal.  How wrong I was.  It took 15 minutes, tops, and I got my very own card and everything.  Compare this to the 45 minutes it took just to change a small detail (my room number) on my address with the bank.....  ANYWAYS, I finally got my card, so I was ready to see a doctor.  But how could I find one?!?!?

Well, that's where this amazing website comes in.  ひまわり (himawari, meaning "sunflower") is this awesome website provided by the Tokyo Metropolitan Government that lets you look up a doctor near you.  It breaks it down by specialty first and you can even see how much English fluency they have.  So, I searched for an ENT, and found the one closest to me who was fluent in English.  I then called to make an appointment, but they said I didn't have to and that I just could walk in with my insurance card and it'd be fine.  So, I put on my heavy coat to brave the cold, and made the 25 minute trek to the clinic.

When I got there, I knew I was in for a different doctor's visit experience than what I was used to.  I entered the clinic, and there was a "genkan", or the traditional Japanese entry way where you are supposed to take off your shoes and change into slippers.  I tried to find the biggest pair (they still weren't big enough), and made my way to the reception counter.  The waiting area was so charming.  It was like a Ghibli movie in that it was a fusion of a cute rustic European cottage with that Japanese flair to it.  I talked to the nurse, she took my card, and she filled out the paperwork for me (SCORE!).  She then opened the door to the doctor's room and told me to come in.

The doctors room was just as "rustic" as the waiting room.  The nurse told me to put my things into this small wicker basket.  I approached the doctor, who was this little Japanese woman who had to be in her late 50's or early 60's.  She told me to sit in the doctor's chair, which is basically like a dentist's chair.  I wish they had these in the US, because it's much more comfortable than sitting on a stupid bed/desk thing they have in their doctor's offices.  She then asked me what the problem was..... in Japanese.  I was hoping she was going to just speak to me in English, but we ended up switching between the two, with Japanese being the primary form of communication.  I told I thought I had a sinus infection and that my throat was sore.

Then came the....."different" part.  She took this long instrument that looked like the metal tubes the dentist uses to spray water in your mouth.  Except she put it in my nose and sprayed some sort of mist in it.  It was fine.  A little unexpected, but fine.  I guessed it was maybe just to disinfect/decongest my nose.  Then she took these 4 little sticks that looked like what you put in those diffuser air freshener things and dipped them into a little blue glass vial.  She then proceed to stick them up my nose.  Not just the inside my nose, but like INTO my sinus cavity, each time she saying "Sorry!" in Japanese.  I tightly shut my eyes throughout the process (to avoid seeing the long thing that was in my sinus cavity).  She then took a metal rod, and shoved that into my sinus cavity.  I didn't feel anything "spray" into it.  It just felt like she was just shoving it in (for what reason, I do not know).  I was waiting for spurts of blood to come gushing out of my nose from the pain that I was feeling, but luckily, it didn't happen (the only blood I saw was when I blew my nose afterwards....).  She then took and EVEN BIGGER rod.  I was praying she was going to put that in my throat.  I saw absolutely no way how that thing was going to fit in my nose.  But, she managed to do it.  And I winced and winced and winced.

I couldn't find a real picture of the instrument, but this pic definitely sums it up perfectly.

Finally, my nose was finished with it's torture regiment.  But then we had one last unpleasantry to get to.  She took a giant cotton swab and dunked it into some mysterious liquid.  She then took a big metal tongue depressor thing, and shoved the cotton swab to the back of my throat and held it there for a good 5 seconds.  I gagged a bit, and she took it out.  *WHEW* We can all breath a collective sigh of relief now that my torture was over and you don't have to read any more gross stuff.

She then told me she was going to write me some prescriptions.  While she was doing that, the nurse had me go to this big console machine.  I guess it was a nebulizer.  They hooked up this long tube to it that had two prongs for each nostril.  I then had to breath from it for a set period of time.  After that was finished, I payed my 1,400 yen and was given directions to the pharmacy.  There, I received the above pictured medicine.  He then explained to me how to take it.  THAT IS ONLY A 4 DAY SUPPLY.  So yeah......  That's my first doctor's visit in Japan.  Pretty memorable, no?

Does anybody else have any interesting/funny doctor stories to share????

Mister Donut

He tastes as good as he looks, JSYK

So, thanks to my good friend Risa, I've developed a bit of an obsession.  Many of you who know me or have seen my facebook or Twitter posts might already know that I have fallen head-over-heels in love with the Japanese doughnut chain Mister Donut.  I feel like I annoy people with how much I talk about this place, so I feel like an explanation of my love is in order.

First, let me give you a brief history of my knowledge and relationship with Mister Donut.  When I first came to Japan in 2008, I heard some people talking about this place.  It seemed like nothing special, so I (STUPIDLY) never went during that time.  When I moved back here, my friend Risa and I went to the LaLaPort in Chiba.  It was there I first entered a Mister Donut store.  Surprisingly, we didn't have any donuts, since we had just eaten a delicious okonomiyaki meal.  We saw there was an appetizing drink selection, including a new item which was an icy fruit flavored "drink", but more like a sno-cone in a glass.  The line was long (a common trend in almost all Mister Donut stores I go to, since they're so damn GOOD), and while we were waiting, I had a good chance to stare longingly at the doughnuts.  They were perfectly made, had appetizing flavors, and some of them were just darn cute!!!  Risa was telling me about this one doughnut called a "pon de ring".  It basically looks like a doughnut ring made out of little balls.  She was telling me how it was different from a normal doughnut because of the texture.  I'll admit, I didn't quite believe her, having had many a doughnut in my time, but I was still intrigued.  I vowed to go to one and give this famous "pon de ring" a try (as well as eat and adorable teddy bear head!).

How glad I was to have given it a try.  Pon de rings are like nothing I've ever had before.  They have this unique soft texture that is just absolutely fantastic!!!  They come in a variety of flavors, and can be super cheap during Mister Donut's numerous sales.  In other words: if you ever come to Japan, it is your DUTY to try one of these!!!  Besides the pon de rings, the other doughnuts are delectable as well.  My favorites so far are the honey churro, strawberry ring, green tea bear head, and the chocolate french crullers.  They're all just so fantastically made with perfect presentation and cheap prices.  Every time I enter one, I get this rush of joy at all of the variety!!!

In addition to their wonderful selection, Mister Donut offers a point card system as well.  You can trade in these precious points for cool things that change every month or so.  I currently have 87 points and am hoping to save up enough for the coveted "Pon de Lion" plush toy!!!!  Agghhhh, I hope that some day, lovely readers, we can go forth together and partake in the utter joy that is Mister Donut.

DON'T YOU JUST WANNA EAT 'EM!?!?

The one in the bottom left corner is a Pon De Ring.  DELICIOUS!